If I had known then what I know now, I’m pretty sure I would have turned my entire hormonal experience (every single month since “first bleed”) into a badass, rite-of-passage—something to get better at each time, a pilgrimage into my self-knowing, a daily practice of cycle-tracking skill and a deepening into my genetic & spiritual remembering.

I think I would have loved the bigger picture intention of universal sisterhood and the need for each female to focus and step into her rightful place of honor.

My guess is that I would have enjoyed this martial art of the powerful Feminine that was (and is still) available to me to tap into at any moment of my choosing.

If I had known then what I know now, as an elder I’d probably be decorated with a head full of rewards-for-effort dangling from my hair—dried seaweed strips and tiny shells perhaps, wood pieces, crystals, or stones—one collected for each month of surfing the waves of my own ocean, the higher-level initiation of my womanhood.

I think I would have embraced my missteps and embarrassing struggles as medals earned. I would have protected myself more and I would have stood up for myself with the confidence of the Goddess I now see that all women are.

My guess is that my hard-received lessons and scars would have been seen as gifts to acknowledge and be thankful for.

If I had known then what I know now, I would have understood my hormones in an entirely different way, a formula that made sense for my life, my relationships, and my desires, as well as an inner navigational system, designed to guide my decision-making every single day.

I think I would have understood the unique markers within my month—the bleeding and the fertile zone and ovulation and the chaos—as patterns that feed me information and repeat themselves over and over again while working together as a team for my success and higher education. 

My guess is that I would have grasped, pretty fast, that these patterns show different energies that require different types of care and approaches.

If I had known then what I know now, I would have seen the obvious of what was in front of me—an intelligent system of purpose and integration that aligns perfectly with Nature and the vaster rhythms of the Universe.

I think I would have recognized that the societal “negative narratives” being passed down through the generations about the female hormones are damaging wrongs.

My guess is that I would have confidently walked instead, in the truth of what felt right even if I wasn’t sure what that was.

If I had known then what I know now, I would have understood that my hormonal sequence is my ally.

I think I would have embraced the tips and strategies for feeling good on a regular basis and prepared for each phase mindfully.

My guess is that I would have made better choices for my own survival and balance.

If I had known then what I know now, I would have recognized that my subtle fluctuations actually meant something useful.

I know for sure I would have been relieved to understand my sex drive, freeing me to enjoy different types of intimacy as my desires naturally changed throughout the month, rather than berating myself for sometimes wanting my partner and sometimes not.

I also could have recognized my overly enthusiastic light as well as my depressing darkness, rather than questioning myself all of the time.

So, here’s what I know now:

I know now that all of these things are true and that they were buried for safekeeping within my Feminine lineage cellular memory until I, or future daughters could retrieve and resurrect them. I know that the supporting influences of my hormones are superpowers and that utilizing them and knowing how to take care of myself are part of the lost language of my ancient grandmothers.

I know now, that this is a game-changer.

I also know now that I’m not crazy and do not have mood swings. I know now that what I’m experiencing instead, is a high-level form of leadership training that shows me how to view situations from different angles while giving me the opportunity to improve that skill by repeating the process each month. 

Repetition and mindful observation in this practice, rule. 

I know now that I am passing through at least four different energy zones each month, which allows me to explore and embrace self-actualization. I know now that learning to celebrate the blood during Week 1 of my monthly rhythm is a start, but only a fraction of the honoring—that each energy zone, each weekly phase is equal in importance—and holds surprising gifts, as well as traps to be aware of.  As a member of the gender that holds the honor of being the “first teachers” of the human race, I am being taught how to train society to make balanced, well-rounded decisions. Whether or not I ever had children and no matter how the wisdom is used—be it projects I put forth into the world or through supporting others—I am being shown how to show how it’s done. By resting or by doing, I am being prepared to lead by example and use my voice to create, to guide, and to understand how the world lives and breathes as one and how to use best practices for harmony and good societal health.

I know now that my hormonal sequence mimics the moon orbit and all of its phases, as well as the changing, predictable rhythms of the seasons. I know now that when I treat it as such that I totally “get” my cycle, my power, and my possibilities, and my personal world immediately falls into place. No victims live here. I know now that I have a direct line to the Universe’s intelligence, a VIP pass into the vaster knowing and infinite mysteries, which are available to me 24/7 by tapping into the remarkable current of my monthly hormonal sequence, an approximate 28-day body clock. I know now that, as a female, I am an enormous part of the universal Sacred Geometry team connected to Nature in all Her forms. As the human garden of human creation, I understand the commitment and responsibility of being a vital player for creating peace on this planet.

I also know something that, up until now, seemed to be a secret: that there is a broader action of my monthly hormonal rhythm that extends beyond reproduction to keep me plugged into my power beginning at birth and continuing after menopause. The lunar rhythm is our steady companion. Being post-menopause, I now track my monthly rhythm, beginning with the actual new moon. Bleeding women begin tracking with the first day of the period, which identifies as their personal new moon phase, no matter what is happening in the sky. 

I am grateful. I am excited. I love being a woman. I’m on fire with what we can do together as sisters, mothers, and daughters to make the world better for ourselves and other women, and thereby, their partners, their entire families, and their communities.

I know now that it doesn’t matter that I didn’t know then, because my monthly rhythmic intelligence is available to me now. Today. This minute.

And so it is for you. 

Suzanne Mathis McQueen 

Suzanne Mathis McQueen is a womb wisdom educator and keeper of women’s mysteries. The author of 4 Seasons in 4 Weeks, she specializes in the monthly body clock, a natural rhythm critical to female balance, joy, and optimal daily experiences in health, business, and love.

Her empowering 4-phase template and daily practice for easily aligning with the female hormones and rhythmic sex drive are resonating with women and men globally. Check out her website or follow her on Instagram @4seasons4weeks